Wow. Can you believe it? It’s National Nutrition Month again, ALREADY! Seems like the last year just flew by.

OK, I’ll fess up. I had no idea it was National Nutrition Month, and we’re already two-thirds of the way through the month. Of course, “National Nutrition Month,” such as it is, is one of those ubiquitous “months” that has been decreed (by exactly who in particular?) to be and so it is.

But I came across a NNM (as I like to call it) tip sheet from the Veterans Administration, of all places. But nutrition is nutrition, and I found it interesting to learn exactly what is done by each of the nutrients we get from food:

• Proteins (lean meats, eggs, beans, nuts) help build muscle and a strong immune system.

• Carbohydrates (starches, sugar and whole grains that also provide fiber) give you energy.

• Fats provide essential fatty acids and extra energy.

• Vitamins and minerals (commonly available in fruits, vegetables and whole grains) regulate body processes, enhance cell function and growth and help build a strong immune system.

• Water gives cells shape and acts as a medium where body processes can occur.

Plus, those foods (duh) have added ingredients like corn syrup, sodium bicarbonate, ascorbic acid, FD&C Red Nos. 3 and 40, “artificial color” and “natural flavor,” whatever the latter may be. I mean, if it’s natural flavor, just tell me what flavor. WHAT FLAVOR?

That, of course, led me to wonder about some of these common, yet incomprehensible, ingredients, which led me to this website, which, although it was interesting, still didn’t really explain what these additives are.

Sure, it explained what they’re used for  —  humectants, for example, “retain moisture” and thus are common in shredded coconut and marshmallows) — but not what they are. Glycerin and sorbitol are humectants, the site helpfully offers. Does that clear that up? Didn’t think so. (The words are hyperlinked to their Wikipedia entries that explain them better than I can, except that they both are sugar alcohols.)

So, in honor of National Nutrition Month, I declare my desire for:

• food ingredients that aren’t seven syllables long (azodicarbonamide, which you might find in hamburger buns)

• food without “antifoaming agents” (dimethylpolysiloxane, which you might find in vegetable or other oils)

• food without ingredients expressed only in acronyms (DATEM, which stands for Di-Acetyl Tartrate Ester of Monoglyceride. Say that five times fast. I dare ya. Oh, it’s commonly found in crusty breads.)

• food without an ingredients list that says “may contain” (Look, you’re the ones who made the food. If you’re not even sure what’s in it, why should I buy it and eat it? Choose which oil you used. CHOOSE WHICH ONE. Thank you.)

• food where the first ingredient isn’t water and the second isn’t an oil or corn syrup (Look at the labels of most salad dressings or other sauces. What’s the point of that?)

• food where the ingredient list isn’t eight miles long. (Not to pick on them, but this is the ingredient list of the McDonald’s McSkillet Burrito with Sausage – hey, at least Mickey D’s publishes its food ingredients on the Internet! Flour Tortilla: Enriched flour (bleached wheat flour, malted barley flour, niacin, reduced iron, thiamine mononitrate, riboflavin, folic acid), water, vegetable shortening (may contain one or more of the following: hydrogenated soybean oil, soybean oil, partially hydrogenated soybean oil, hydrogenated cottonseed oil with mono- and diglycerides added), contains 2% or less of the following: sugar, leavening (sodium aluminum sulfate, calcium sulfate, sodium phosphate, baking soda, corn starch, monocalcium phosphate), salt, wheat gluten, dough conditioners (sodium metabisulfite, distilled monoglycerides). CONTAINS: WHEAT. Scrambled Eggs (PWE): Pasteurized whole eggs with sodium acid pyrophosphate, citric acid and monosodium phosphate (all added to preserve color), nisin (preservative). Prepared with Liquid Margarine: Liquid soybean oil, water, partially hydrogenated cottonseed and soybean oils, salt, hydrogenated cottonseed oil, soy lecithin, mono- and diglycerides, sodium benzoate and potassium sorbate (preservative), artificial flavor, citric acid, vitamin A palmitate, beta carotene (color). CONTAINS: EGG, SOY LECITHIN. Potato/Vegetable Blend: Potatoes, onions, roasted green peppers and red peppers, partially hydrogenated vegetable oil (soybean and/or cottonseed) and/or vegetable oil (canola, corn, cottonseed, palm, soybean and/or sunflower oil), contains 2% or less of the following: corn syrup solids, dehydrated bell pepper, dextrose, disodium dihydrogen pyrophosphate (color retention), disodium inosinate, disodium guanylate, garlic powder, maltodextrin, food starch-modified, natural flavors (fruit and vegetable source), onion powder, paprika (color), salt, spices. Sausage Patty: Pork, whey protein concentrate, water, salt, corn syrup solids, sugar, spices, dextrose, monosodium glutamate, spice extractives, caramel color, BHA and BHT and propyl gallate and citric acid (preservatives). CONTAINS: MILK. Pasteurized Process American Cheese: American cheese (pasteurized milk, cheese culture, salt, enzymes), water, milkfat, sodium citrate, sodium phosphate, salt, sorbic acid (preservative), acetic acid, artificial color, soy lecithin and/or corn starch (added for slice separation). CONTAINS: MILK, SOY LECITHIN. Salsa Roja: Diced tomatoes (with tomato juice, citric acid and calcium chloride), water, fire roasted tomatoes, fire roasted green jalapeno pepper puree, onion, red Anaheim pepper puree, garlic, distilled vinegar, cilantro, salt, lime juice concentrate, food starch-modified, paprika, spices, soybean oil, sodium acid sulfate, sodium benzoate and potassium sorbate (preservatives), xanthan gum, citric acid. Shredded Cheddar/Jack Cheese: Cheddar cheese [pasteurized milk, cheese culture, salt, enzymes, annatto (color)], Monterey jack cheese (pasteurized milk, cheese culture, salt, enzymes), potato starch, corn starch and powdered cellulose (prevent caking), natamycin (natural mold inhibitor). CONTAINS: MILK.)

Glycerol (Glycerin) molecule illustration courtesy of Ben Mills.