The Power of Giving In
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- October
- 10
For weeks I’ve been trying to wean my little son off these scrumptious bagel crisps we buy at BJs. Because they’re made of bleached flour and are high in fat, I try and discourage him from eating them, even while I steal a couple myself every now and then.
He doesn’t give in easily, though. He’ll walk into the kitchen with his arms raised, crying “Mom, cracker … cracker.” At one point a couple of months ago, I decided to put my foot down. For a while, let him cry big, fat tears. Then he seemed to forget about them.
He remembered the bagel crisps “crackers” a couple of days ago during a very difficult dinner. He didn’t want anything I offered him — chicken, broccoli, a piece of ham, celery, strawberries, cheese, couscous. You name it he didn’t want it. He just wanted the crackers, and he screamed for them.
After a few strained minutes (during which my husband muttered about how difficultÂÂ it had become for us to eat a normal family meal), I decided to give in, or rather, to use the crackers as a negotiating tool. So while he nibbled on his cracker, I fed him chicken, broccoli, couscous and strawberries. I was surprised by how much he ate. And he ate only a couple of the bagel crisps.
All of which led me to think think that it isn’t such a bad idea to give in once in a while. In the larger scheme of things, what is some bleached flour and a little fat fat if the trade-off is a decent meal for your child. And your sanity, what!
This entry was posted
on Friday, October 10th, 2008 at 8:00 am by Hema Easley.
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I’ll have to agree with you and say it was a good call. I use the bargaining method with my own little boy all the time. It works and in the end, it is just as you noticed, less of the undesirable food and more of the good stuff you want to get into him. Good job.
You’ve surrendered your authority to your child. Now you are justifying this loss of authority with thoughts like, “what is some bleached flour and a little fat if the trade-off is a decent meal for your child”, but it’s a hollow statement. If you don’t want him eating this unhealthy food, don’t buy it, or if the truth is that the food is for you, don’t give them to him in the first place. He’ll never miss what he’s never had, but now he feels entitled to it. Unfortunately, since you have no authority over him regarding the crackers, your only solution that doesn’t dig you in deeper is to use your husband, who in theory does have authority. He must tell the child that there will be no crackers. Maybe the child still respects him, but based on what you’ve written, I think you’re in for a very difficult experience.
I must admit that I have simply stopped buying anything that I don’t want him to be eating. If it’s not in the house, then none of us can eat it. Healthy all round, everyone’s a winner! Of course, you can always eat rubbish at work…or when they’re sleeping
It’s called stop trying to be your sons friend and be it’s PARENT you can’t always be nice and frankly if he’s whining flapping his arms in the air and demanding a cracker giving into that just makes him feel more powerful. Tell him to stop and if you have to give him a smack on the rear that’ll stop it real quick. Parents these days crack me up trying to be diplomatic with children.
You’re establishing a negative precedent. Henceforth if the child wants something, he’ll realize all he has to do is scream and shriek and be a pain in the ass, because your resolve is not strong. You have given away your authority. Nip it in the bud now, or the child is going to spend the rest of his life bullying you.